She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
