I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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