yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
