Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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