She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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