My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
