to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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