This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
