Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
