a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
