I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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