I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
