dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
