I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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