Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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