WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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