Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize