I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
