Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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