I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
