the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
