Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize