i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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