Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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