he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
