Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
