shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
