she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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