3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
