actually, I'm a sock model
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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