You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's the barista slut.
Just invented taco cereal.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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