your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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