Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Randomize
