I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
