ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
