If i come over, it means nothing
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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