u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
