Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
