That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
