I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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