Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
