Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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