When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
