He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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