his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
