I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
