There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize