You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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