Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
