i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
