Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
