When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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