You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
how do you play pong handcuffed?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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