i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize