i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
