theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
