Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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