That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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