He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
