haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
