yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
