I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize