Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize