Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
