Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
