ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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