Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
