BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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