he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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