I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
