Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
